I have kept four different but simultaneous journals going for about seven years now. I first started in graduate school in order to keep my manifold notes in order, and fairly quickly I decided that I needed to keep a journal for different areas of my life: one for my academic work, one for my personal research (genealogical research, dreams and personal records et al.), one for natural observations (celestial movements, plant & animal lore, et al.) and one for my (ahem) esoteric researches.
When I began writing at Tribe, I did so in order to have some accountability for what I was writing. At the time I was going through the greatest spiritual crisis I had ever undergone, and I wished to have a way of voicing my changes with the semi-anonymity of the Internet. The crisis has not so much ended as transformed into a more open viewpoint, one informed primarily by a redefined understanding of truth. This new understanding of mine is so new for me that I have not yet worked out exactly how it should inform my behavior. Currently it has allowed a much freer sense of myself and relieved an enormous amount of guilt — a boon in itself — but at the same time I feel like a newly foaled colt: all wobbly legs and matted fur.
At this stage, this journal of sorts — a rather ironic appellation as I hardly make use of it daily — will be taking on a different focus. Until now I was primarily concerned with using this venue as a means of coalescing my thoughts and bringing them up to a concrete and visible surface, rather than allowing them to continually rise up from and fall back into the murky depths of my subconscious. It’s worked phenomenally well as such, but now I find myself in a very different place and needing a very different kind of venue.
I am unsure exactly how to detail my vision of what this journal should be to me. I certainly would never be so vain as to determine what it should be to others. It served for a while as a means to explore my own ontological relationship with the divine, my fundamental philosophical and spiritual position, but now I think it will serve as a means of documenting a more practical … turn.
I suppose what I mean is that I will begin recording here the first stirrings of a new life that I am assembling, a life informed by this new sense of truth (one that I plan to explore further as it grows within me). Much of it will be a record of discoveries I have made regarding my own mind’s action and capabilities, and I perceive this record as essentially falling into several parts.
I. I plan on keeping a dream journal. I have already begun doing so and will, as the opportunity permits, begin this online journal by copying the dreams I have recorded over the last little while onto the web-page.
II. I have begun working with a Tarot deck I stumbled across the last time I was in Edinburgh (about a year ago now). It spoke to my sensibility as many such things rarely do and so, as a means of developing a sense continuity in their interpretation, I will record daily readings here and their results.
III. I will also keep a record of results in my meditations. I don’t know whether to say that I have been blessed with or developed and ability to achieve visions, but I have been able to … see … things for some time. Now, it’s always under very particular conditions and has seemed to have no real import up to the present. I have noted on several occasions that the vision of one day perfectly matched my experience of several weeks later, effectively seeing the future, but was of so completely innocuous a non-event —something like waiting in line at a post-office or staring at a ball of string — that it hardly seemed making note of. I wish to see where I can develop this so I will begin recording them here so that I can, again, foster a concrete continuity.
IV. I feel something big is coming for us all over the next few years. The current financial situation is only a slight tremor, a shadow cast by some immense shift in our collective being that will occur before the next decade is done. I live every day with an intense excitement over what will be occurring in our time and I intend to use this ‘blog’ to record my thoughts coming down through it all.
As a final note, there have been many changes in the life of myself and my family. Things are still very much in flux, despite our closing this past week on a house, and I look forward to exploring the coming years as well as this strange new landscape in which I find myself. If you have read this entry down to these lines, then I welcome you as a friend on the road and hope to hear your views on this as well as what will be coming down next.